Welcome to episode 4 of Burning Brightly! We’re learning how to trust ourselves today, what that means and why it’s essential for a would-be entrepreneur. Below is an outline or you can click the button below to listen or watch. Enjoy!
In today’s episode, I want to introduce you to the idea of trusting yourself as someone you respect and admire.
in life coaching we use this perspective of a neutral 3rd party a lot to examine our minds and figure out why we’re creating the life we have.
This idea of trusting yourself will also require you to step outside of yourself and view yourself almost as another person would.
So, do you trust YOU? When you make a promise to yourself do you follow through? Do you respect your wants and needs or let them get steamrolled? Do you honor your values and what’s important to you?
When I was a young adult in college, I often prayed for self-discipline. I hadn’t yet learned to trust myself and so I gave up on myself a lot.
I wanted to exercise, eat better, elminate a lot of entertainment and incorporate studying into my day more, but I continued to struggle, no matter how hard I tried.
Part of this was because I hadn’t yet learned my worth and that I was deserving of good treatment. I let myself and others mistreat me and so I was untrustworthy to myself!
How do we learn to trust ourselves? First we need to ask: who in your life do YOU trust? A friend who never shares secrets? A church leader with perfect integrity? A family member who loves openly and unconditionally?
Make a list of the traits that you associate with trustworthiness and then take a good look. Do you have these traits? Do you use them on yourself?
There are three main ways we can develop trust in ourselves:
1. Honor commitments to yourself.
If you struggle with this, there are two ways to look at it: Do you overcommit? Or do you underperform? Both? If so, why?
I notice moms often tend to be really gung-ho with their goals and dreams but unrealistic in understanding what they’re capable of. This is natural with a new hobby, business or creation! You don’t know what to expect and it takes trial and error to get it right.
Go listen to the grace vs excuse episode of Outnumbered the podcast. We need to learn how to balance pushing ourselves with understanding that God and our families come first. We also might need to learn how to be flexible.
A good way to start building trust in yourself in this area is to make ONE goal to work on in the area of sharing your talents with the world.
Bonnie Christine says “do one thing each day”. I’m a big fan of just starting by carving out 30 minutes. Set a timer and do that one thing within the time frame you’ve allotted. You might have no idea where to start but start googling what you’re interested in or take the time to start being creative.
2. Respecting our boundaries. You would never trust someone who regularly came into your bedroom uninvited and used your toothbrush!
What boundaries are you allowing people to trample? A few ideas are basic self-care: do you need to be touched less? Do you need quiet time? Do you want a space in your house to be off-limits to kids?
Moms of faith really struggle with this. Think of boundaries like a fence around your house. Is having a fence being mean to your neighbors? NO! it delineates what is yours vs what is theirs.
It keeps your dog in and their kids out, it allows you both privacy and it fosters love and respect.
Pro tip: if you’re feeling resentment in any area of your life, you’re probably allowing a boundary to be crossed. Do not do this in the name of Christianity. It is not self-sacrificing, it is merely saving us from the discomfort of maintaining the boundary and it will likely backfire.
3. Honoring your values and beliefs.
There was a time in my youth when I didn’t always trust how I would act around certain friends. It was hard for me to act with integrity because of how they acted and I beat myself up for it.
Are there areas in your life where you’re not feeling like a loyal Christ follower? Maybe you struggle with gossip or language, media consumption or other behaviors that cause guilt and stress.
Acknowledge that you are human and we all make mistakes – but I would argue that having integrity (behavior aligns with our beliefs) is the number one way to foster trust with ourselves and others.
The people I trust the most are the ones whose behavior is the MOST predictable; I know exactly how they’ll act and what they’ll say in any scenario because it’s strictly in alignment with their beliefs.
This is similar to step one of honoring commitments to yourself, but here we’re honoring our commitments to God.
Own up to your mistakes, apologize for them, commit to shining brightly for the world to see.
I trust you! This is hard stuff but it’s worthwhile. You’d never go into business with someone you didn’t trust, so give yourself the gift of a business partner who honors commitments, respects boundaries and stands up for her beliefs – in other words, YOU.